Photography : The Art?

Technology has very obviously changed lives. I love technology. Lately, I have begun noticing that our very great growth with technology is actually eating away on one of my favorite forms of art. Photography. For many years, I used to own a simple point and shoot camera and clicked pictures with it that no one could believe were possible. It was all a self-taught process and my camera never moved out of the manual mode. I loved Canon for the amount of manual control they can give to a basic camera like the one I had. Later, I learned about a few more details about depth of field, focal length, etc. and actually started relating the theory to the photographs I was taking. It all made sense and I started loving photography. I badly wanted to own a higher end camera. I had the opportunity to use a few high-end/mid-range cameras like the 1D Mk II, 5D and 7D from the Canon stable thanks to a Studio Photographer Friend. That made me crave more for a good camera that was completely in my control.

In the meantime, tragedy stuck. My tiny point-and-shoot that served me well for so many years, died a brave death in a long exposure mission gone wrong. When I was in Delhi at the India Gate, I placed the camera on a flexi tripod I owned and tried taking a timed photo of our group. I placed it on a railing that was wide enough but was a little curvy. Its gripped legs seemed to be holding quite well. The first photo I took came out really sharp after using almost 2 seconds of exposure in the darkness with a very low ISO. For the second photo, I started the timer and started running towards the group and by the time I got there, my friend shouted, "Look!". I turned around and noticed the tripod slipping down. I knew I was too late. I made a dash for it, but the camera was already on the pavement. At first glance, it looked like the camera was ok. I noticed it got turned off. I tried turning it back on. I got a lens read error. For the first time, I looked at the lens and then it struck me. My companion for four years, just died a tragic death. The lens twisted and got pushed back into the camera at an angle. It was stuck there and would not move any more. The gears were damaged the motor seemed stuck. I could not do anything  more about it.

A great trip to Delhi ended in a bittersweet way but I let it go. Soon, I started noticing people getting decent entry level DSLRs for good prices. Especially, this thanksgiving break had seen many people I know getting great cameras at low prices. I didn't want to throw my money at an entry level camera and I was waiting for the day I can build up some dough for at least a mid range one with a couple of good lenses for a start.

But at this moment, I'm reconsidering if I really want to take my interest in photography any forward. I thought it was a form of art where you capture the behavior of light. Right now, when I look at it, almost any person who can cough up about $500-700 can take great photographs. And if I'm with a group of friends among whom, one owns a DSLR, everybody wants pictures taken from that camera. Nobody wants pictures from tiny point-and-shoots any more. "Hey, I want a picture from the awesome camera". And when I look at it and ask, "..that's pretty less noise for the light there was, what was the ISO setting?", he replies, "I don't know, it was Auto".

So it was Auto-focus, Auto-exposure, Auto Aperture, ISO Auto, Auto White Balance, Auto Contrast, Auto-Flash, Auto-everything. And he gets an Auto-Awesome picture. So all that I had learned carefully in the last few years was just proved wasted, because someone with no idea about the technical details of a camera actually captured a brilliant picture (Ofcourse it doesn't matter that one side of the photo had a huge empty space in it and a guy on the other side got cropped in half). Moreover, if he wanted to learn some basic tips about photography, it would take him under an hour to learn from an online tutorial. Great! Four years against 1 hour. Thanks to technology, I feel like I wasted many interesting hours of my life.

As it's getting more and more clear, I am beginning to notice that technology is actually taking away the manual creative process involved in photography. Many a time, I caught myself thinking of the time when there were no digital cameras available, no memory cards, no LCD previews, no live modes, no Auto-awesome pictures. One would have to analyze the light and figure out the best possible setting on the camera. And out of the 36 pictures from the standard roll that would get developed after a week's wait, only 10 come out good. The process restarts with a new roll and after a month of careful experimenting, a little more is learned. How many people would then think of owning a camera? From my experience, my guess would be only a small percentage of amateurs who currently (and quite easily) own a DSLR would actually have the patience to learn the real Art of Photography.

Busy = Efficient

In these 2 years of Aerospace Masters, I've noticed something very strange. Bottomline of that observation is Busy = Efficient. How?

The logic is very simple. Everytime I find myself busy and stuck in hectic situations, I perform more efficiently and actually get all the work done. Maybe not perfectly, but the work gets done and there's a huge amount of satisfaction in that. But the moment I find a free time, when there's very little work to do, something goes wrong. Instead of that little job getting done, it gets dragged. The lesser work I have, the more it gets dragged and the more I slack. It almost comes down to a point where I complete a single page homework just about 30 min before class.

So why does this happen? The observation has been made. But I hope to find the reason behind this abnormal psychology of mine sooner than later, before there's more trouble.

Music. Drawing. Pleasure with Passion.

I knew I've always been on the creative side ever since I remember existing. Right from that day when I actually won a prize in a 'drawing competition' at the age of 2. Well, technically, I won that because I had the sense to draw on my paper and not the tables and chairs and others' papers, plus, I had happily managed to use all colours, including some that my parents borrowed from other 'budding artists' after I had used up all of mine. I still laugh to think of that memory I was reminded of.

But my affinity toward drawing, music, graphic design, etc. is not just a one off lightning strike hitting an 'unlucky' - in this case, lucky - person. I did attempt to get trained in these when I was younger, but I never actually showed true interest in them. I realized, I was just trying to follow my father's footsteps.

But suddenly, out of the blue, it clicked. It was a different kind of realization. Something that came from within. It was an energy stored inside that just wanted to flow out in some form. I found music and drawing to be the perfect hobbies to release this inner energy. It was not like a tennis champion personally training his kid right from the age of 3, to create a champion of the next generation. It was an artist's son, discovering an artist in himself at a time when he wasn't pushed for it.

So, I finally gave in to my inner energy and let it flow out. The results are astonishing, something at one point in my life, I never believed I was capable of. As the energy flowed out by itself, in the meantime, the brain was absorbing useful knowledge and experience. I always thought composing music was something only a highly skilled genius could do. But it happened with me and I love the tunes that I make. How did I make them? No idea.. it just came from somewhere inside of me. It completely changed my definition of the word 'musician'. I was one, and here I was, all this time, thinking they are extraordinary people who play in front of thousands and make loads of money. But it's also true that the people who go out there and do this are in fact, extraordinary people! So there are hobbyist musicians, like me, and extraordinary musicians, like say, Joe Satriani.

Along with music, my interest in Drawing has gradually evolved me from a line artist to a serious but still hobbyist, portrait artist. Of course, I still have a long way to go in that direction but I know I'm heading the right way. And who showed me the direction? No one, it was a compass built inside of me. That's all I can say. I had the interest and the eye for such detail, and the inspiration from my dad, and all I had to do was develop the skill. And I'm working on it in quite a satisfying way. Today I just feel like sharing some of my recent artwork that I am pretty sure, I hadn't dreamed of being capable of 4-5 years back..

The Guitarist - Date Drawn : 11th Jan, 2009

Audi R8 - Date Drawn : 4th August, 2009

LedaMonsterBunny (reference from internet) - Date Drawn : 21st August, 2011

Michael Schumacher (photo reference - internet) - Date Drawn : 4th September, 2011

David Beckham (Photo reference : Internet) - Date Drawn : 9th September, 2011

Sachin Tendulkar (Photo Reference : Internet) - Date Drawn : 24th September, 2011.

So clearly, in the last one year, my interest and skill in drawing increased greatly and it feels good to be heading that way. I hope there's much better stuff to come in the future...

Purpose?

After experiencing so many different things in life, I was suddenly hit by this very intriguing question.

"What IS Man's purpose on Earth?"

A child is born and he is the most beautiful thing on Earth. He is sent to school to Learn. To get educated. But in what? And what is this education? What are we learning about? Why are we learning how governments are made, how airplanes are built, how DNA can mutated, etc? What are we learning if, all we are really doing is following what somebody else told us? And who gets the authority to test another person about his 'knowledge' in a certain field? Why is there a 'certain' field? Why doesn't Man learn Everthing? And what is Everything?

Why does one have to set up a 'career' in life? Why are we trying so hard to beat each other when we are supposed to be looking at a bigger picture? What is the bigger picture? Why should we be able to go a Restaurant and get food served? Why is there a need for somebody to cook for us, and why should there be a person to serve? They are people with a lot of questions too. Why should they be restricted to that small space? Man is all of them. The cook, the server, the customer, the buyer, the seller, the bartender, the drinker, the entertainer, the manager, the lawyer, the plaintiff, the defendant, the richman, the beggar, the loser, the prodigy, the actor, the audience, the lover, the hater, the inventor, the destroyer, the creator and also the Killer.

All these are things that man does for himself. Why is the waiter serving you with extra care? So you would tip him and he would make more money. Why is an exotic dancer showing off her body? Not for somebody else's pleasure, but to make her own living. Where is the Man, that would do things for every Thing other than himself? Why does Man have to start a career and do things for his own good? What is success? Man beating Man? Man beating other creatures? Man defying Nature?? How is any of this called Success?


Why are we even living on this Earth?  I still haven't found out a purpose in Life. Are we supposed to just live it out and wait for the day to die? Or are we supposed to do something with this chance of life? It clearly isn't a video game where the character has a clear motive right from the beginning - rescue the Princess. From what I see, we aren't really living. We seem to be surviving. Humans are just trying their utmost to survive. And unfortunately the only thing that's stopping us from 'living freely' is our own Human Race! We've got to beat our own kind to prove a point to our own kind! Sad. 

All this brings us back to something that has apparently become as important as oxygen - Money. It's like opening the Pandora's Box if one starts talking about money. Pretty much everything on this Earth and Beyond has a price. It's a well known fact. Land, rocks, wood, water, shelter, energy, knowledge, experience, happiness, freedom, friendship, love, marriage, divorce, and even death. Nothing has been spared from that ever sticky price tag. Almost all of these were supposed to be available for free. Something happened in the history of the human race that created this thing called Money, and it has turned out to be the root of all evil. It can't be more true that even something as simple as freedom costs money. Today we are struggling to go back to the Moon because it's expensive! It's one of those saddest eras in the 13 Billion Year history of the Earth.

It has come to a point where the "Purpose" of a human being is to earn Money. Purpose - The title of this blog post. So is this what it brings us down to? Earning a man-created materialistic thing called Money? Man does awesome things, there's no doubt about that. But all that awesomeness was for the sake of money? In today's world, it defines who we are or rather sadly, how better we are than the others. Ugh, my brain is filled with that one sound, Ugh!

Earning to live, living to earn, earning to earn, living to live. I don't know which one of these is relevant to human life anymore, but I do hope we choose wisely and find the real answer to the question nobody seems to care about - What is the Purpose of Life?

To India and Back!

So, something was really frustrating me here in Wichita. I could really feel I needed a break, a change of scene. By May, I was absolutely sure that I wanted to go back home atleast for a month. I booked my tickets immediately and was eagerly waiting for that day.

In between, I had to deal with the current issues. But I just didn't want to! You're looking at the fruit, almost in tasting distance but there's glass in between. How do you crack it? How do you crack the final exams of the semester? I didn't know what I wanted to do, or how I wanted to do it, but I needed those last 10 days of the semester to just disappear. How they disappeared is another long story reserved for later, but for now, let's assume I was through with them..

I wanted to buy loads of stuff for home. After a lot of confusion and help, I managed to get my bag heavy enough, that I couldn't afford to load it anymore. Finally, the day came. 26th of May.

The route was pretty long - Wichita-Dallas-London-Dubai-Hyderabad and I was expecting to get bored along the journey, but surprisingly had a friend flying the exact same route to the same destination. Some relief there, but I was still in an odd state where a part of me couldn't believe I was visiting home, and a part of me was lonely leaving friends behind. I was still in some grey area, not realizing if I was in a dream or in reality.

The best part of journey was flying in the A380 from London to Dubai. The leg room comfort and the nearly unlimited choice from the entertainment system really got me impressed with the aircraft and Emirates itself.

On 28th, I landed in Hyderabad, all ready to soak in the subtropical climate. The sight of so many people all over the place really jerked me back to my real world where I rightfully belong. I found my Mom, sister and uncle waiting for me and now I was fully awake! I was home.

We hardly drove out and it started drizzling outside. So it hadn't rained in weeks and there it was, pleasantly drizzling bringing back that beautiful smell of earth, the moment I landed. It felt good to be there.

Of course, the traffic looked 10 times more than what I saw a year back. Because of all the traffic I could hardly recognize well known places. My mom, for a second feared I had forgotten everything. My memory still needed a major jerk to come back to life. It took me a couple of days to feel absolutely at home. The freedom, or rather the lack of it, was so pleasing!

Bed time was well before midnight. Rising time was well before 8. It was shocking how things just fell into place the moment I traveled half way around the world. Eating habits also greatly improved. I was among my people. In short, it was heaven. I might have made a 100 new friends in Wichita, but once home, I realized I was lonely and lost the last one year.

Before I could even settle down, I desperately needed to drive! I took the 2-wheeler out and just zipped off. I was wearing shorts and flip-flops and I just took off till I almost reached the other end of the city, soaking in every molecule around me. I checked the time and cursed myself for being so negligent and got back home. But that felt like real freedom, driving into the wind, letting it take you where it wanted.

That same evening, I also took the car out. I wasn't sure I would handle it well. The last one year was not only spent just watching others drive, but also learning and adopting to rules that were waaaaay too different from what I was usually used to in Hyderabad. But I didn't let that get in the way. The moment I sat behind the wheel, another whole section of my brain opened up. I was in another world, like how Harry Potter feels the moment he mounts his broomstick.

I drove like I had been driving all my life. Only changes were, I was much more confident now and faster. Those days of driving cautiously were gone. I felt educated in the driving scene. I knew what I could do, and what the other 1000 drivers around me were doing or wanting to do. It was like a shot of some brain enhancing drug. I was impressed with myself.

I thoroughly enjoyed driving around and welcomed the freedom, but there were things to be done, people to meet, places to travel to. After meeting my closest college friends (the ones who managed to turn up), it was time to start traveling. We first traveled to Chattisgarh to visit my grandparents' house. The occasion was not a happy one as my last grandparent had left this world. But, on the brighter side, I got to meet a huge bunch of people, some of who, if not for this, I wouldn't get to meet. Funny how death can bring people together.

But as always going to Chattisgarh is a liberating feeling. The fresh air of the hills, clean sunshine and the scheduled evening rainfall always take away any gloom in the atmosphere. The downside again is the problem with Naxal activity. Jagdalpur is located in the Bastar district, a district I heard some people refer to as the Naxal District. Really sad that once again (just like every other time) we humans are solely responsible for the destruction of everything that's beautiful and worth appreciating.

Once back in Hyderabad, it was the usual meeting of family and friends. My former school mates and college mates were getting married all over the place. Kinda gives a perspective of how quickly we grow older. But of course the youngster in me had some more time left to go. That was proved with the way I enjoyed my last 10 days.

I had planned a "reunion" with a couple of my Wichita friends in Delhi. Friends I had known for less than a year, but simply the best! I had traveled 8000 miles to meet some old friends and family, but instead here I was excited to meet my friends who I was going to meet in Wichita in anyway. Just the change in location, Wichita to Delhi had all sorts of excitement gushing through me.

So after some usual drama, we finally met up and had some of the best days I ever experienced. Much like a young pup released into the open after many days of being locked up, we just soaked in everything we could. We traveled in the Delhi metro (sitting on the floor of the train chatting away like we never met before), traveled in autos, and even man-driven rickshaws! I never knew they still existed in the capiial. Of course we drove the car too when we needed it. We saw new modern places, revisited some historic monuments, went shopping, watched movies, ate random food, drank random things, literally lived like there was nothing to lose in the world.

There were some crazier moments the day I was supposed to leave back to Hyderabad. We were having so much fun outside the airport (dancing and singing, making fools of ourselves, having all passersby laughing at us), that I actually missed my flight despite getting to the airport an hour early! What madness!

I had to dish out extra money to get a flight for the next but I actually do not regret a single penny I spent because that day was even better than all the days we had spent earlier. We drove out to Gurgaon and it started raining. We went to a karting arena but the cars would not be allowed during rain. So instead we started a running race on that track! The guards thought we were clearly out of our minds! More great food and movies completed the day I was supposed to miss. One sad moment was that I had broken my trusty old camera at India Gate. Kind of a fitting farewell at a memorial for the Indian soldiers who gave their life for the country. My camera despite being a point-and-shoot and tiny, taught me so many technical things about photography, something that no human could. For that I will be ever grateful.

After an almost dreamlike visit to Delhi, I was back home. In a couple of days I was to fly back to Wichita and leave everything I called home, behind. Oh, to think of the long flights and loneliness was kinda depressing, but at the same time, I was going back to the place I had fallen in love with. I was leaving a dream behind and entering a new dream. Periods like these make you forget all the problems of the world and just live life - something humans have long forgotten to do. Living instead of surviving.

Vasant - Spring with the Guitar!

Unable to survive without a guitar, I forced myself to buy one just a few month after landing in Wichita for my Masters. Thought I had a few good sessions and a few good jams, I never really found a reason to go all out and spend useful time on the guitar.

At last, came Spring 2011 and with it, Vasant. An Indian event to celebrate the onset of Spring that included Indian dance, song and food. It was the thing I was waiting for. We were supposed to have had 2 events in 2010 but both of them didn't happen due to poor management. Finally when there was a complete make-over for the Indian student association, we could bring together all the ideas to organize this event.

Till 2 weeks before this, I was not part of anything. But suddenly over night, I got involved quite deeply to say the least. It all started with a casual visit to one of the dance studios my friends were practicing at. I noticed one of them constantly walking towards the audio system, playing the song, running back, dancing and then, running back to pause the song. I said I'll handle that part and I just had to be cued as to where I was supposed to pause or play.

That simple start to my involvement grew in size to a point where things almost went out of control! After practice, they were discussing points about mixing the tracks and arranging them together. Once again, I said, I can handle that part as I've been dealing with audio composing/editing/mixing from quite a few years. They immediately agreed and I started mixing the songs for them. It was very easy to do. Then one day, the 'leader' of the group, Harindra (though there was no real leader) asked me if I could re-create a certain piece of music that sounded like a music box. I did it for him and he loved it. From then on, I was called the "DJ" of the group.

The next 2 weeks that followed were filled with fun, laughter, music and dance. It was customary to hang out after every practice at any of the 24 hour restaurants. We had only 2 options, Denny's or IHOP. We used to alternate between the 2 and this would continue almost till 5 AM. Each of us had a 'trait' that the other could make fun of.

This end of the story was going fine. But then I thought this is all about dance and I had nothing to do with dance! I was surprised the idea took so long to strike me. Why wasn't I performing? I have performed before on stage, then why not now? I got the answer the moment I asked myself the question. I have no singer...

In the one year I've been here, I didn't find a single person who I felt was a good enough singer. Performing solo guitar on stage is not my thing, and I don't believe the general audience would enjoy it either because they wouldn't understand the technical aspects of the instrument. Guitar solos are for specific audience, the kind that know what is being done on the instrument, not the impatient students and boring families!

I asked the 'leader' of the dance group who was the Cultural head for the event to find me a singer. Within a day, he gave me the number of a guy whose name he didn't even know! I stored his number as 'Singer' and spoke to him a couple of time till we could finally meet. Finally it turned out the 'singer' was none other than Assad, a Pakistani guy I met a few times and we shared quite a few mutual friends.

Just about 4 days before the event, I finally had a jam session with him. His voice and talent was just mindblowing. I was happy that I was going to perform for sure because with a voice like his, any song was possible. We jammed a few Pakistani bands that were featured in Bollywood movies and the results were quite good. Time was short and we had one jam session so far and it was already just one day to go.

The day before the event, we had another short jam session and were not yet decided upon the songs. Finally the day arrived. We rushed to the Theater for rehearsals and eliminated the tough ones and reverted back to the simpler songs. We also had to eliminate a small piece of lead guitar as I didn't have enough confidence to play it right on stage.

In between all this, I had to remaster the final mix for the dance group and they were constantly having changes in their arrangement. The final mix was not exported till the last day. Moreover, my cousin who was also performing a solo dance asked me to mix her song. It was relatively much easier so I could finish it in a very short time.

By now, my involvement was getting quite hectic. I was helping the Cultural head with all the arrangements at the theater as very few volunteered. And then, came one more little involvement which I was glad I agreed to. There was a flute player who was performing solo. He asked me if I could join him for a song called Runaway by the Irish band The Corrs. I immediately agreed and this was just about 3 hours before the show!!

We jammed a little bit and found that it was coming out pretty good. But at the moment there were a lot of other things to handle. There were not enough people taking care of arrangements and a few of us were forced to over work. I ended up being there even when people were having lunch in another building. I was also incharge of the audio tracks along with the sound guy for the night.

Things started getting hectic and I still hadn't changed for the event. People were walking in and getting seats, waiting for the show to start. I thought it was high time I got ready and rushed home, changed and came back to the venue. By now, the show had started and the guests were talking on stage and giving away awards.

Soon the dance programs would start and I was supposed to play the tracks from the laptop that was connected to the audio system. The first performance was a dance by a 5 year old girl. I took a good breath and clicked on play. The song started playing and the girl was sitting. She wasn't moving. Why wasn't she dancing? I looked at the screen and the song was playing. But there was no audio. She was still waiting, looking around expecting the song to play. The curtain closed! I panicked like crazy. I looked for all the options that would have caused the problem with the sound. The connections looked fine. The volume knobs were proper. Everything looked fine but there was no audio feed in the mixer! I was stunned and then checked on the laptop and discovered it was on mute! I cursed myself for not having known that from before and unmuted it.

There was an order to open the curtains again through the wireless transmitters and we played the song again. This time it played fine and the girl danced well. After that things looked smoother. But suddenly there was another glitch. There was a guy pestering me to add a last minute change to his song and asked me to connect his flash drive. I finally did it for him as I was slowly getting pissed at him. For a strange reason, when I pressed enter on a song, some other song started playing on the system. The girls who were ready to dance were looking around confused. I was surprised. I closed it and played the song again. Once again, some other song was playing. I was angry now. I had to open the song in another player and it finally started playing and I was really pissed by now. Nothing seemed to be going right for me and I had 2 performances within 10-15 min. I asked a friend to handle the system and left from there.

I went down to meet the flute player who's performance was next. He started with his solo accompanied by a karaoke track. It sounded really good. Finally he introduced me onto the stage. I stepped on and looked out and wanted to wave. But I could see nothing. I was practically blinded. The lights were glaring into my eyes and it was hurting. But that wasn't supposed to be my problem. I had a chair waiting for me there so I just sat on and adjusted the microphone onto my guitar. I didn't know if I had to do a small sound check. With the lack of monitors on stage, we had no idea what the audience could hear. The audio guy had to look after that. I just played a chord or two and indicated upward to ask if it was ok. Obviously I couldn't see anything so I didn't know what the response was. I just started playing, praying that the sound was alright. The flute kicked in after a sequence. And we went on very smoothly. Every transition, every change in tune was done as if it was well rehearsed. We just had to have a glance to know that the next part was coming. It was great all the way to the ending where another single glance was enough to communicate that it's done. We got a pretty good applause. And we left the stage.

I then went back up to see if things were going smoothly. Everything finally seemed to be falling into place. I had to go back down to prepare for the next performance with the singer. Suddenly he asked me where the lyrics were. I said I placed them on the same table where the guitars were placed. Clearly, they weren't there. I rushed back to the audio room to see if the papers were around. I didn't find them. I looked in my bag. Not again! I was approaching a bursting limit now!

There was about 10 min left and he said he'd rewrite the lyrics for just one song as he felt pretty confident about the other 2. So armed with the last minute lyrics and a lot of tension, we hit the stage, second time for me.

I felt a lot more confident but a lot more confused. It was weird. I somehow couldn't keep myself as calm as I was before. We started with Dil Harey and it sounded pretty good. I just had a very minor screw up which I'm sure nobody noticed. Then came Toh Phir Aao. I started off with a wrong strumming pattern and suddenly had to correct myself. The rest of the song was pretty good after that. Assad's voice was flowing effortlessly and it felt good to be playing with such a quality singer. Then, finally we brought some interactivity into the crowd and got them involved with Tum Ho Toh. Apart from a tiny screw up of a chord and messing up the ending (assume that I didn't want to leave the stage so early!), everything went really well. Apparently it sounded so good that some of my friends found it tough to fight off tears. I was quite stunned and happy at the same time.

As we went off stage, I knew the audience liked it. If the volume levels were good, it HAD to be a great show. We were about 95% perfect. Couldn't get better.

After that, I remained backstage to watch my friends perform their dance for whom I mixed the tracks. They did a pretty good job too, with some really smart on-stage improvisations. Overall, the show ended much better than how it started. It felt good to have been a part of such an event. The decision to be involved had paid off.

AFTERMATH:
We were all so happy and excited and received many congrats from many people. After a very long photo session which involved some really crazy antics, we finally went to get some dinner. I hadn't eaten anything all day long. It was the first meal I was going to have. I had to buy 2 meals at Denny's to satisfy myself. We were around 20 odd people creating havoc in the otherwise silent diner at 3 AM. It was all still crazy. The excitement didn't wear off for a couple days after that.

We were busy analyzing each other's performances and trying to grab hold of all the photos and videos posted around facebook. Suddenly I realized a month had passed in all this. I had other things to look out for. I didn't want to care at the moment. It had to wear off like it always does...

Haunting in Wichita

We found out from a few friends that there's this bridge somewhere outside Wichita that's haunted. We never really cared about it until one night we decided to go! We were feeling like we were living inside 4 walls all the time and desperately needed some adventure. So this was the place we decided to go. At 4:00 AM.

We did some of our own research about this place. We found out it was North of Wichita and about 18 miles from our place. Not too far. 2 gallons would do it. The name was Theorosa's Bridge and we found a few websites that described the bridge and the "myth" behind it. There were so many versions to the story that we didn't know what to believe. The only common link to many of the versions was the mother who lost her baby.

We could also see that each person had his own story to tell. So rather than trying to believe what happened to the others, we wanted to find out ourselves.

1st Time : So 4 AM it was when 3 of us drove up to the bridge. The road leading to it was obviously very lonely and it looked like we were just driving into darkness. Then came the last turn that we were supposed to take to enter the dirt road that had the bridge. Within a few seconds of driving on the dirt road, we were already on the bridge and the next second we crossed it. It was such a tiny section that one would hardly notice he drove on a bridge. We turned around and drove on the bridge again, this time much slower. This time it took us 10 seconds to cross it. To be honest, it was quite disappointing. We didn't get off the car, but I knew we had to come back and experience more.

2nd Time : This time we had 5 people in the car and a little more confidence. We went up to the bridge, stopped on it and even got off. We were randomly talking, loudly. We spent over 5 mins on the bridge and one of the guys pointed at another friend and shouted "He has your baby!". We started laughing at that and suddenly heard it. It was a distinct howling kind of sound. We listened silently. The sound seemed to be growing. I first thought it was a dog howling. And then, second thoughts told me, it oddly sounded like a siren. But these guys were convinced it was a baby crying. The moment one of the guys said, "It's a baby", we panicked. We quickly got back into the car and drove off. I felt the whole thing thrilling and definitely creepy but I was still not ready to believe what I heard. There had to be a next time.

3rd Time : This time, I went there with a slightly different group. We had earlier gone to a beautiful Buddhist temple and now we were coming here to find out about ghosts. Talk about irony. Anyway, we got off the car again and just chatted around, sipping coffee. We were all quite relaxed and we mentioned, "I have your baby" quite a few times. We were doing quite fine. Suddenly we heard a sound again! I said to myself, "If this is a baby wailing, I'm NEVER coming back here". It sounded so much like a baby wailing that I was 80% convinced. But we just hung on for a few seconds more and I forced myself to think about any other object that would possibly make such a sound. Then it clicked, it was a wooden door. It was creaking it the wind. I was so relieved after I realized it. We all cooled down and continued hanging out there for some more time. We finally left that place happily. But there was one major question that was Unanswered! The nearest house was atleast 200 meters away.

How could we have heard the sound of a door creaking when there was no door nearby????

4th Time! : I managed to get here a fourth time. This time, we were nearly 10 people in 2 cars. Some of the first timers in one car were totally freaked out and wanted to leave as soon as possible. My other friends and I were having a good time there. We rested back on the hood of the car and looking out into the sky, we were counting the stars. This place was so far away from city lights that it was perfect for star gazing. The others were still freaked out and already started driving out. We were forced to leave, following them. But overall, it was a different experience. We never spoke about the bridge, or the mother, or the baby. We were in peace and we let the spirits (if there were any) rest in peace. Nobody bothered each other and everyone was happy.

That once again justifies my belief that all the God/Demon stories were created by us. While we believed in God, we also believed in the existence of Evil spirits. We created both and we actually fear both. I found peace when I believed in nothing but getting lost in the expanse of space. There was no fear of anything, neither God, nor evil.. I found my peace on a Haunted Bridge.

New Year and All Those Months!

Blogging was like the most interesting things 2 years back when I felt every small event in my life was worth posting. It was like a typical online diary. Everything had to come. Slowly that frequency reduced and now it has come down to a few posts a year!

Anyway, that was the worst possible start... "re"start to a new stint in blogging.

First of all, Happy New Year! 2 months after the New Year, I still feel un-embarrassed enough to say that. It hasn't really been eventful except for the fact that my 3rd semester in Aerospace Engineering has started. As time progressed, I was liking my coursework less and less, and now it has come to a point where I've given up complaining. Anyway, this post isn't about that. This post is about a new beginning in a new year called 2011. It's a good number for me psychologically because I was born on the 11th.

But I've had similar 'feelings' about certain numbers being good for me and the result was the exact opposite. I had to swallow back my own stupid theories.

2010 was like the most perfect definition for Yin-Yang/Dark-Light/Happy-Sad/Bittersweet/Good-Bad ... Also it wasn't just the brightness. The contrast too was overwhelming. I was surprised how things could change in no time and leave you in a completely different world. While the start for 2010 had almost everything I could ask for in my life, the middle got only 10 times better. The summer of 2010 was the time I think I would never ever forget in my life. The kind of fun and experiences I had, I might probably not get to have again. Maybe I should write a song - The Summer of 2010.

Once Fall settled in, the trees turned the scenery into beautiful desktop wallpapers. While the outside was so happy and beautiful, my insides were just burning up. Everything in the semester was going so horribly wrong that by the end, I had to give up. The stark contrast in a span of a month was what was the most shocking thing I observed. A month before, I was have the time of my life. A month later, I felt lonely around friends, I felt heavy when my head was empty, I felt tired when I took rest, I slept during the day, I stayed awake at night, I felt lost and clueless in familiar places, I felt comfortable when I was alone.. everything was just out of place. I began to feel, for the first time, that it was me who was out of place.

In much 'simpler' words, 2010 was the typical stress-strain curve. The graph rises smoothly up all the way up to the Ultimate Strength where there's a sudden SNAP! Fracture...

And with that, the very distinct year of 2010 ended. On the last day of the year, I managed to find myself hanging around with a bunch of strangers in a bar holding up a glass of champagne. Everyone else was celebrating the start of a new year while I was celebrating the end of a bittersweet year. I was in no mood of looking forward to another long weary year. But time never stops. That point has been proved with how late this post is coming up.

The third semester has started and the load on my head is back to it's usual "more-than-I-can-handle" self. Turning in scratch-paper style homework 5 minutes before close of office, losing contact with the closest of friends, unable to remember what day of the week it is, losing track of my list of things to do, sleeping during the most productive time of the day, losing touch of all my creative skills (drawing, music, photography, etc.), "forgetting" to eat and drink.... the list will go on.

So that's how life has become in a few months. A complete turn-around. Some people say, "What goes around, comes around". Will that work? Such things usually don't work on me. There's more harm hoping something good will happen, than just accepting that nothing good will ever happen. With that, I'll close this rather "not-so-happy" first post of 2011.